Reconciliation (oh to find a safe haven)

   
Fear wears many faces.
Sometimes it pretends to be droll.
Then it will let me think
It is here to protect me from harm.
It presents many disguises
Seducing me to trust . 
It will lure me in under pretense
Only to abandon me.
Fear is fickle and does not care.
Lately I have been afraid.

I want to be strong,   at least
Appear to be so,   yet
 I don’t feel strong at all.
I’m afraid that life has beaten me
​And I won’t be able
To get up again,    this time.
   I know that all things die.
  It is the natural way of life.
But now I am living each day
Waiting for that other shoe to drop.

       I realize in my heart
     This is no way to live.
     I wonder if I am caught,
Trapped in the many sorrows.
I no sooner say goodbye to one
 Then another and then another,
When  one by one those I have loved
   Go on their way,     away.
I don’t know if I can do it again.
I haven’t had a chance to breathe.

There has to be a way
To find a lasting peace.
So far it has been fleeting.
To accept things as they are
Realizing it is the answer
I seem reluctant and just can’t.
Maybe I see things as they are
But haven’t reached the place
Of a peaceful reconciliation, 
Only fearful resignation.


   So I am afraid right now
  I don’t know where to turn.
     Answers are evasive
     No safe places to hide,
   Fueling this sense of futility.
  If I can manage one more day
And then another and another, 
     To persevere and trust
    That all things come to pass
I might wake up and start a new day.


 In my journey there is much I know
      Yet so much more I don’t.
    Somewhere within the unknown
There dwells a truce with uncertainty
Trusting that all is and will be well
Regardless of what fear tries to say.
There can be comfort in not knowing
   So I will seek it, get to know it
     Learning once again to trust
   That which I don’t understand.