Watching the world from a distance
Imagining myself high up in the bleachers
Watching a game being played far below
I am feeling oddly separated, yet akin
With everything seen and unperceived.
Another one of life’s infinite paradoxes
That manages to challenge ones’ senses.
To finally understand and then accept
That it is all the same, from all sides.
Letting go of the concept of linear time
To be everywhere in the same instant
There is an absence of any struggling
As calm prevails, oneness is revealed.
The deceleration of aging is no curse
But rather a gift, a precious opportunity
For me to notice life in a far different way.
I am seeing beauty reveal itself to me daily.
The things that are deeply disturbing,
That I have no control over, seem distant
And I have no wish to march in a cause
Losing myself, trying to change what I cannot.
So as my life continues to slow its pace,
I am becoming the proverbial observant.
Connecting to my fellows in a spirit of love
Is what I look forward to most these days.
Within this grace of serenity I insist upon play.
It is an element of self that I treasure most.
Laughing without restraint, letting tears fall
Such close expressions I can barely tell apart.
To step out of the race is to step back into life
In a way I’ve not done or even considered.
There were too many concerns and fears
Pulling me along, seducing me to conspire.
I believed the masquerade for a long time
Presuming a plethora of misconceptions.
Somewhere along the way I quit chasing.
I stopped running after what I already had.
What I have learned and continue to do
Has been tantamount to winding up here
In my own back yard where I first started
I’ve traveled so far yet really, never left home.
I have known great joy and deep sorrow.
Been hopelessly lost and then found again.
All to bring me around to know who I really am.
Seeing from a distance, here in the midst of it all.
Funny how dreams create themselves
Out of random thoughts and incidents
Which occur, obscurely during a day.
They are stored away for future use
And show up in strange nighttime
Ramblings appearing oddly pertinent.
In the first few waking moments of a day
A series of scenes re-run like movie trailers
Briefly making sense, then becoming inane.
How quickly the dramatic imaginings
Of nightly visitations vanish like smoke
Leaving behind only an occasional query.
The more I try to recall, the more illusive.
Attempting to apply language is futile.
Words do not reveal the pictures I see.
They are fleeting, making little sense to me.
The attempt to share becomes fruitless and
Produces only frustration in the exercise.
So as usual dreams grow out of a part of me
I only meet when asleep and I have learned
To let them be what they are and that’s all.
I don’t suppose they come bringing vital messages.
These subliminal callers arrive without bidding.
I just sleep while the greater part of me imagines.
Unexpected Gifts 6-3-21
I’ve heard it said, the pandemic
Has been an introvert’s dream.
Being one of those who prefers
My own company over others
I whole heartily agree.
The challenge, now, however,
As I trepidatiously creep out
Into the sunlight from my lair
Is to make contact once more
Letting hugs melt away fear.
While spending months away
Deep inside my quiet cave
An insatiable desire to create
Rose up and greeted me.
I stepped into a new world.
The year 20/20 is forever etched
Abysmally imbedded in memory.
Preferring not to say any more,
It is what it was and most of us
Survived, somewhat in tact.
Saying good bye to loved ones,
A way of life eternally changed
Hiding behind doors and masks
Refraining from physical contact
Has taken a huge toll.
Exploring this new world
I discovered a new me.
I’ve had the opportunity
To accept what I couldn’t change
Exploring that which I could.
Trusting that I would be led
Into an expansion of life
From that which I’ve known,
Stretching out and touching
Virtually, beyond imagining.
Letting the time communicate
Looking for and seeking
New ways to paint, to mold
To write, to hold and caress life.
Life has sustained me.
A soul longing for meaning
For a purpose amidst change,
So profound and lasting.
Abandoning all I’ve known
For something unfamiliar.
Side-stepping fear, with faith
Hope has led me into the open
The consummation amidst
Known and ineffable destinations
Has created a harmonious path.
In spite of the tumult and tempest
A population and earth convulsing,
Change forced upon us
Has not been entirely in vain.
We are a tenacious lot.
As it is when soil is broken
Turned over and tilled,
Preparing to plant new crops
We have faith in the seeds.
They will spring forth, new life.
Okay, Right Where I am 6-6-21
Sitting on the edge of the world
My life stretches out before me.
Remembering the passing years
A smile becomes laughter
Then just as suddenly, tears.
Both emotions become the other,
Hardly decipherable, how can it be?
Understanding that grief and joy
Can occupy the same space
let go and feel every bit of it.
Mixed together with some regrets
Gratitude wells up inside
Out shining any misgivings.
We live out our lives as best we can
So looking back doesn’t hurt so much
Things seem to take longer to do
I’m not as fluid as I once was,
But never mind, I am in no rush
To get anywhere these days,
’m okay being right where I am.
It’s a conundrum to be here now
Nearing what are to be my last years.
I don’t remember arriving
I simply realized, one day, I had.
So……. I’ll just make the best of it all.