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Watching the world from a distance 6-21-21 Imagining myself high up in the bleachers Watching a game being played far below I am feeling oddly separated, yet akin With everything seen and unperceived. Another one of life’s infinite paradoxes That manages to challenge ones’ senses. To finally understand and then accept That it is all the same, from all sides. Letting go of the concept of linear time To be everywhere in the same instant There is an absence of any struggling As calm prevails, oneness is revealed. The deceleration of aging is no curse But rather a gift, a precious opportunity For me to notice life in a far different way. I am seeing beauty reveal itself to me daily. The things that are deeply disturbing, That I have no control over, seem distant And I have no wish to march in a cause Losing myself, trying to change what I cannot. So as my life continues to slow its pace, I am becoming the proverbial observant. Connecting to my fellows in a spirit of love Is what I look forward to most these days. Within this grace of serenity I insist upon play. It is an element of self that I treasure most. Laughing without restraint, letting tears fall Such close expressions I can barely tell apart. To step out of the race is to step back into life In a way I’ve not done or even considered. There were too many concerns and fears Pulling me along, seducing me to conspire. I believed the masquerade for a long time Presuming a plethora of misconceptions. Somewhere along the way I quit chasing. I stopped running after what I already had. What I have learned and continue to do Has been tantamount to winding up here In my own back yard where I first started I’ve traveled so far yet really, never left home. I have known great joy and deep sorrow. Been hopelessly lost and then found again. All to bring me around to know who I really am. Seeing from a distance, here in the midst of it all.
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Dreams 6-19-21
Funny how dreams create themselves Out of random thoughts and incidents Which occur, obscurely during a day. They are stored away for future use And show up in strange nighttime Ramblings appearing oddly pertinent. In the first few waking moments of a day A series of scenes re-run like movie trailers Briefly making sense, then becoming inane. How quickly the dramatic imaginings Of nightly visitations vanish like smoke Leaving behind only an occasional query. The more I try to recall, the more illusive. Attempting to apply language is futile. Words do not reveal the pictures I see. They are fleeting, making little sense to me. The attempt to share becomes fruitless and Produces only frustration in the exercise. So as usual dreams grow out of a part of me I only meet when asleep and I have learned To let them be what they are and that’s all. I don’t suppose they come bringing vital messages. These subliminal callers arrive without bidding. I just sleep while the greater part of me imagines.  Unexpected Gifts 6-3-21 I’ve heard it said, the pandemic Has been an introvert’s dream. Being one of those who prefers My own company over others I whole heartily agree. The challenge, now, however, As I trepidatiously creep out Into the sunlight from my lair Is to make contact once more Letting hugs melt away fear. While spending months away Deep inside my quiet cave An insatiable desire to create Rose up and greeted me. I stepped into a new world. The year 20/20 is forever etched Abysmally imbedded in memory. Preferring not to say any more, It is what it was and most of us Survived, somewhat in tact. Saying good bye to loved ones, A way of life eternally changed Hiding behind doors and masks Refraining from physical contact Has taken a huge toll. Exploring this new world I discovered a new me. I’ve had the opportunity To accept what I couldn’t change Exploring that which I could. Trusting that I would be led Into an expansion of life From that which I’ve known, Stretching out and touching Virtually, beyond imagining. Letting the time communicate Looking for and seeking New ways to paint, to mold To write, to hold and caress life. Life has sustained me. A soul longing for meaning For a purpose amidst change, So profound and lasting. Abandoning all I’ve known For something unfamiliar. Side-stepping fear, with faith Hope has led me into the open The consummation amidst Known and ineffable destinations Has created a harmonious path. In spite of the tumult and tempest A population and earth convulsing, Change forced upon us Has not been entirely in vain. We are a tenacious lot. As it is when soil is broken Turned over and tilled, Preparing to plant new crops We have faith in the seeds. They will spring forth, new life. Okay, Right Where I am 6-6-21
Sitting on the edge of the world My life stretches out before me. Remembering the passing years A smile becomes laughter Then just as suddenly, tears. Both emotions become the other, Hardly decipherable, how can it be? Understanding that grief and joy Can occupy the same space let go and feel every bit of it. Mixed together with some regrets Gratitude wells up inside Out shining any misgivings. We live out our lives as best we can So looking back doesn’t hurt so much Things seem to take longer to do I’m not as fluid as I once was, But never mind, I am in no rush To get anywhere these days, ’m okay being right where I am. It’s a conundrum to be here now Nearing what are to be my last years. I don’t remember arriving I simply realized, one day, I had. So……. I’ll just make the best of it all. I Don’t Know 5-15-21
I had one of those days again. Where my skin’s on backwards, My world is upside down And my blood is going the wrong way. Makes for a very irritable, annoyed, Angry, exasperated and sullen me. What makes it all worse I cannot ascertain the cause. This soggy, heavy wet blanket Descends arbitrarily, Without invitation and stays, Then leaves again without notice. If I attempt to find the source It only makes matters worse. My only defense against it is To simply let it be. The bottom line, I’ve discovered is Accepting what is present as An expression of my deep self Though ineffable, valid. Way down under the surface The residue of grief gathers. It seems to settle and thicken Until it has to rise up again. It will greet me at my door As if a welcome visitor. I have only to let it in And sit with it for a spell. Once I’m past the futility Of trying to define it, I am able to accept it’s here And wait for it to finally leave. I suppose some might say I am to make friends with this, At the very least, quit fighting it. All things come to pass, eventually. These kind of days render me Battle worn and down for the count. Even when the heaviness lifts I need alone time to recover. I am reminded of the distinction Between mourning and grieving. The former, an outward expression, The latter a long journey inward. Once the steady out pouring of tears Become silent, lurking behind corners, They return like a thief in the night And descend without warning. When I am able to stop resisting And let these times come and go, I believe they will finally integrate Within the complexities of me. No one in their right mind Actually enjoys pain and suffering But it is an intricate part of life Necessary to navigate through. These are the roadsigns that Guide me towards self care. I need to give me a hug Not always trying to figure it out. It’s best I accept what life brings me, That includes the lumpy bits. So when I find myself in the muck I can make like a pig and just rest. Haiku 5-7-5 Saying a lot with few words (three lines, first and third-5 syllables, middle line-7)5/11/2021 To Vanish
If I could stop time And slip inside a mem’ry There, I’d be with you. Love 4-27-21 They say love hurts. So if that’s true why do we keep going back for more? We do it though. Over and over again. I think it’s because life is too barren and cold, If we don’t take the risk to love And let ourselves receive it. Love has so many faces And who’s to say what is and isn’t love? The depth of hurt might be equivalent T o the extent of our love But then again, maybe not. Young love often fails, not because it isn’t genuine It falls short because it’s often not the right fit And then outgrown. It still hurts though, worse than anything First loves have no reference to any past experience. After the tragedy is survived and the dust settles Most of us all go back for more. We try again because in the midst of all the crazy drama The ultimate hurt, rivers of tears and breaking hearts There is something gloriously wonderful in there. That something, that makes us feel higher than high, More beautiful than ever before And magically capable of anything That thing is love. Nothing in the world quite like it. So we go back and go back And go back for more, Because for most of us, Life just isn’t worth a toss without it. The Risk to know Beauty 4-17-21 A Rose Garden The whole world could be choked with thorns A lover's heart will stay a rose garden. The wheel of heaven could wind to a halt The world of Lovers will go on turning. Rumi In my wandering through memories I find I stumble over many these days. Gazing through a window of tears I see your face looking back at me And I am grateful I took the chance. In spite of the many past heartaches I said, “Yes” to your invitation to love, And have never regretted a single day. No second thoughts, no skepticism, Taking a leap of faith was worth the risk. The years have taught me to trust More in my own wisdom than others. Making decisions have become mindful, No longer blindly hoping for the best I know my heart will choose wisely. Remembering that we both believed That a love such as ours was possible Is what opened the way for us to meet. In spite of the thorns we saw only roses. Defying the odds, we found only love. Exhaling 4-9-21 Am I what I am feeling? Do my emotions define me? Spending time on the ocean Adrift in a boat without oars I’ve had the chance to trust That in spite of what I feel I am safe. I was so long immersed In the beguilement of love, Bathing in the beauty of it, Sheltered in its protective harbor. When, in an instant, it was taken, Rendering me lost and searching In vain. In the many days since Experiencing the many faces Of emotions and deep sorrow, I have learned to acquiesce, To find contentment within. Yet it often eludes me, leaving me Still wanting. Trusting there is a process Engaged within is an alliance, A microcosm of the infinite, Oneness with all that is. Herein dwells the safe harbor That keeps me secure Forever cherished. Letting my emotions Simply be what they are, Observing the comings And goings of them all I might find the freedom To explore beyond the borders Of grief. There can be a coalition Between grief and joy Where both might occupy The same space in time. Easing the barriers between them There can be a cease fire An amicable truce. Both factors may ebb and flow As ocean tides have always done. Calming expectations To facilitate internal peace Accepting uncertainties Making way for evidential change, I trust. |
Diane BurnsThis is where I get to post things that I've written, paintings I've done and ideas I have for new projects. Archives
June 2021
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